Learning To Be Kind

I want to appear capable and good-natured at all times.  I want to be compassionate and be “the helper” for everyone, instead of “the one in need of help”.  I want to be perceived as intelligent, and to be treated with respect.  I get upset if I feel that I am failing at communicating well with others and or that I am being laughed at.  Perhaps that is common to everyone. 

      Missions is difficult because one can no longer feel capable all the time.  There are systems and ways of doing things that have to be learned.  It’s kind of like being a toddler, except not as cute.  There is always more to learn about the language, and for us now we are living in an area where the majority of people’s mother tongue is a Mayan dialect called Tzutujil.  Many do speak Spanish, and we are able to get by, but it is common to go shopping or for a walk, and see that people are talking about us.  It is an unsettling feeling, and it can feel like everyone is ganging up on us and that “nobody likes us”. 

      Living in our house has also been an exercise in learning to be humble.  Almost everything has had to be re-learned.  How to wash the dishes.  How to deal with the garbage pick-up.  How to avoid spider/mosquito/scorpion/ant bites and keep the house clear of pests.  How to handle the water system, where we have city water three times a week, and have to be home to fill up the pila and water reservoir on those days.  And then of course there is the normal aspects of moving to a new town like finding our way around and finding stores that carry the things we want (no grocery stores here).  During the past two weeks we have had to rely on the kindness of our neighbors, new friends, and even strangers to help us figure out the system.  It can be painfully humbling.    

       I am learning what it means to be kind to myself.  I can’t always get through the whole day with a positive attitude.  Sometimes the way the women in the market look at me and try to rip me off gets the better of me and I come home feeling like I’ll never be accepted.  Sometimes I feel like my extended family is just too far away, and I wish I could jump on a plane and be reunited with them… maybe even go to Starbucks and forget this whole crazy idea to move to the Lake.  But when those moments strike and I feel like I might not even make it through that day- I am learning to be kind to myself. 

       I can’t speed up the process of adapting to a new place, nor can I force people to extend kindness to me, but I can choose not to give up.  I make a cup of tea and read my Bible, or put up the hammock and enjoy a cuddle with Z in the backyard, or I watch a movie, write a letter, or do a puzzle for a couple hours.  This is only the first few days of our life and work here, and if I am patient with myself it will turn into years.  God is not discouraged by my need to take a couple deep breaths, He is with me in those times, whispering confidence back into my heart. 

       God has been faithful to me, even in my weakness.  He has already helped me get connected with two amazing missionary ladies who I have already come to call my friends.  Our neighbors, a recently-widowed Christian woman and her two teenage sons have also treated us very kindly, and we have enjoyed spending time with them as well.  One of the boys is learning English and has taken a real shine to Z.  The two of them are adorable as speak spanglish together.  Our kitchen has been filled with laughter and conversation (in both English and Spanish!), and in those moments I am so thankful to God for bringing us new friendships to fill our life with joy.  

       God has shown me that we are not alone.  We have so far to go in adjusting, deciding on what ministries to be involved in, or pioneer, and continuing to work towards the ultimate goal of adopting children… but God is not afraid of time the way we humans are.  He has a plan for our life and in everything He is kind to us. 

      So if you are in a time in our life when you are feeling overwhelmed and stressed, remember to be kind to yourself and take your strength from quiet time spent with God.  Maybe He’s even been waiting for you to tire out so you’d actually sit down and listen to Him.  And hey, why not invite that immigrant neighbor from down the street over for tea… chances are, they would appreciate some kindness too.  

Z working on a puzzle in our improved kitchen

Some freshly hand washed laundry 

Z in his newly organized room

The living room is really coming together too!